One Shot: February 2014
by adcgordon
Summary: Love never fails and caring never ends. When a tragedy brings truth to light can a forgotten faith be rebuilt?


**A/N: Wow, it feels like ages since I've done this! If there are still some KTZLF'rs out there please let me know with a line or two in the review column. :) No, I don't own these characters or know these people, but they are still on my heart. ;) Thanks for reading!  
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**Just remember, True Love Finds Its Way!  
KTZLF!  
****adc**

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**One Shot: February 2014**

Zac flipped the blue chip around through his fingers a few times and thought about the night ahead of him. He was looking forward to hearing some of the other stories in the group of recovering alcoholics. And yet a part of him didn't want to go to the meeting.

That part of him was standing in front of his refrigerator staring at the Coors Light that had been sitting there for months. It had been the last one in the 24 pack that he had bought before his last round of pot smoking and heroin that left him wondering who he was on the morning after.

It had been months ago. He had come clean with a couple of stints in rehab. He had been dry and sober and an all-around goodie-two-shoes since his true friends and family had picked up on his habits and called his hand. His dad had helped him clear his head and get back on the right track. His friends were his encouragement and lifeline should he feel the need to backtrack.

Staring at the lone can of alcohol he thought about that for a moment. Would one beer be backtracking? He didn't have anything else in the house. Even his decorative bottles of bourbon and vodka had been cleared off the shelves. But that one can was there – just in case.

He rolled the chip through his fingers and then let it rub against his thumb and forefinger. That was his debate every day when he opened the refrigerator. The can or the chip…which meant more? Which would bring him more relief, relaxation, happiness? His eyes blinked weakly as he looked over the label of the aluminum one more time. He tapped his foot on the tile floor and then reached for the can.

_It's one beer…_

At the instant his hand contacted the soft metal, a buzzing sounded from his intercom that was attached to his locked, driveway gate.

"What the hell?!" he gulped as he jerked his hand away and turned his body toward the noise. He looked skyward wondering if some higher power was calling his bluff.

The refrigerator door closed behind him and the chip slipped from his hand, clicking against the tile. He stared at the blue circle and the buzzing sounded again. Swiping a hand over his face he gingerly picked up the smooth memento and held it as he walked to the speaker.

He looked toward Heaven again. "I get it," he spoke as if understanding God's sign, "No drinking," he sighed through his nose. His focus turned again to the buzzing on the wall.

"Yeah?" His voice was slightly gruff as he spoke to whomever was on the other end.

"Zac?" The female voice was hesitant and quiet.

He leaned away from the device and stared at it for a moment.

"Who – who's asking?" His voice softened a bit with a realization that he knew the voice but hadn't heard it in far too long.

The moment of silence was deafening. He wouldn't say anything more until he knew for sure.

The quiet click signaled him that she was going to speak again. "It…it's me…um…Vanessa…Vanessa Hudg-"

Zac pushed the button over the end of her re-introduction simply because he didn't need to hear the rest of it. He held down the off-white key while he stood practically speechless.

"Zac?" her voice beckoned when he released the pressure.

"I- what-do-you- … Uh…hi," he stammered quietly.

"Hey," came her short answer. "Can…can I come up?" She asked nervously.

Zac hesitated before reaching toward the larger button that would send open his gate and allow his former lover to drive closer to his home.

"Are you okay?" Zac asked, immediately concerned about why she was making this impromptu house call.

He heard Vanessa take in a breath. "No? … Yeah? … I don't know, actually. But I need to see you."

Zac's nerves pulsed in his stomach. He really couldn't imagine why she would come to his house and insist on seeing him. Not after years apart and little to no communication between the two. His emotions flashed between saying a hearty 'No!' and then walking away, or running down the driveway to open the gate by hand just to catch a glimpse of her a moment sooner.

He swallowed and pushed a breath from his cheeks before noticing the chip still in his other hand.

"I- I have to go somewhere in just a few minutes," he lied. His meeting was about three hours away but after this shock he would again debate the beer versus the Alcoholics Anonymous gathering.

"Please?" He heard Vanessa's hurried plea. "I- I won't stay long, I promise. Please, Zac? I really just need to see you."

His shoulders slumped. Saying no to Vanessa was never an easy feat. He thought by now her hold on him was gone. But just the sound of her voice had re-grabbed his heart already. He smiled to himself with one side of his lips. That hold would never leave him.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Ness," he answered honestly. He was concerned about his own lack of control these days. "Are you going to tell me that you're engaged or something? Cause in all honesty…I don't want to hear that face to face, I don't think."

Vanessa could hear his heart, suddenly on his sleeve. _Engaged?_ The thought hadn't entered her mind. No, it was a completely different reason that she _had_ to see him. His well-being had overtaken her mind in recent days and she had finally come to the conclusion that the only way to free herself was to see him in person.

"No…" she spoke slowly. "God no, Zac…" She took a few short breaths. "Please, can I just come up? Fifteen minutes – five even, please?"

Zac didn't answer. He pressed the button to open the gate and then stood, debating _how_ he should invite her into his home or _if_ he should.

**KTZLF**

The black Audi pulled to the top of the driveway and hesitated. Zac had to smile. The car she was driving was nearly identical to his – as had been the case for all but a few months since the time they stopped dating. On top of that he could tell she wanted to zip right into the left side of the garage; the spot where her car had resided any time she spent time at his house during the years they had dated.

Instead she pulled into the extra parking spot next to the fence. He stood at his front window, watching her from behind the curtain because he still couldn't decide how to address this old friend…lover…ex-girlfriend…acquaintance.

He watched Vanessa climb slowly from the driver's door and look around. She was alone and she seemed nervous. That caused him to take a long deep breath. Vanessa glanced between the garage and the front door. Even from the window Zac knew she was grazing her teeth over her lower lip trying to figure out the best choice.

After a few moments she began walking toward the front door.

Zac held his breath as he stepped from the carpet of his living room onto the hardwood floor and placed his hand on the door latch. He breathed out and opened the door just as the dark haired young woman placed her finger on the doorbell. For a moment that felt like eternity they stood and stared at each other, face to face for the first time in over a year.

Vanessa clasped her hands together and turned the corners of her lips upward into a gentle smile. "Hi," she spoke softly.

"Hey," Zac replied and quickly put a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing just for the sake of doing something. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Vanessa nodded, "I'm a little better now than I was, I guess."

Zac nodded and stepped backwards, his bare toes sliding over the wood beneath his feet. "You wanna come in?" He offered with a gesture from his other hand.

Vanessa looked past him into the home that she had once known so well. "Are you sure you have time?"

Zac smiled, showing her his tooth-filled grin. "Of course I have time for you. You said five minutes, right?"

Vanessa nodded and stepped inside. "I'll keep it quick. I promise…well, I'll try at least."

Zac closed the door behind her. "Everybody okay? Is Stella Bella staying out of trouble?"

Vanessa laughed through her nose. "She's driving. Need I say more?"

Zac laughed. "How about Gina and Greg? Are they doing alright?" His words were genuine, hitting Vanessa's heartstrings in full chord. She looked down at her feet before raising her eyes to look at Zac and nod, lightly, again.

He could see the emotions in her brown irises and motioned his head toward the couch. "Hey, let's sit down." He waited for her to step toward the couch and started to follow her until she stopped in front of him and turned around abruptly.

"I-" she stopped on a breath as they stood less than an inch apart, her eyes focused on the tightness of his t-shirt which showed his well-toned chest. She glanced at his right bicep and caught a glimpse of the feather tattoo that formed a 'v' on the underside of his muscle. The twentyish year old realized quickly that this was her first glimpse of that artwork, up close and personal.

Zac stood still other than swallowing a shallow gulp. His vision focused on the top of her head, her forehead where her bangs hung naturally over her smooth skin. He could tell she had recently had a styling appointment with the additional curls that adorned her locks.

Slowly Vanessa looked upward and met Zac's sight. His blue eyes were darker than she remembered. _A testament,_ she thought to herself, _to a changed man._ She pressed her lips together and stood a little taller, digging for the strength that had brought her to his door.

She timidly reached up with one hand and placed her fingertips on his cheek. Vanessa watched his eyes close, his lips stiff, smile disappearing as he fought the comfort of her touch.

"What do you want, Vanessa?" he struggled to ask without an angry tone.

"It could have been you," she spoke slowly, distinctly.

"What?" Zac opened his eyes and looked into her face which began to melt.

Her fingers pressed more thoroughly against his cheekbone and the stubbled skin on his jaw. "The actor who died last week…the needle in his arm…" the tears began before she could even finish what she wanted to say. "When I heard it on the news, all I could think about was you, Zac. You can try to deny it…but they were describing you. That drug overdose…" She pulled her hand away only because it was now shaking as her fears became known. "All I could think about was you."

Zac didn't move. His eyes watched as she cried quietly. Her reddened eyes looked back into his.

"I just needed to see you in person, to make sure you're really okay." She sniffed to ease her tears and did her best to regain her composure. "That- that's all."

Vanessa ran her tongue lightly over her lips and she looked back towards the door. She shrugged her shoulders and let out her breath suddenly feeling stupid for making this trip across town.

Zac still stood motionless in her way. When he didn't respond to her tears or her words, Vanessa stepped to the side and attempted to move around him. "I'm sorry I bothered you. I can see now that you're fine. I'm glad. That's good." She stumbled over her hurried words.

His hand reached out quickly to stop her, with a simple touch to her shoulder. "Don't go yet."

Vanessa's body stiffened but she looked first at Zac's hand and then back at his face.

"You just got here and we've barely said 'hello'," Zac commented and again tried to smile. "Let's sit down. I'll grab some water or sodas…do you want a beer?" He shrugged as Vanessa nearly gasped.

She held her tongue for a moment then wiped her eyes softly. "Water would be fine, for me, thank you." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Zac took a half step backwards and took his hand off her shoulder. "Sorry?" he shook his head, "for what?"

"For barging in here and then breaking down, I guess," she stepped toward the couch just to put some distance between them.

Zac rubbed the back of his neck again, "Just, it's okay, just, you sit, I'll be right back, okay?"

Vanessa nodded, obeying his gentle directions. She sat down on his couch and immediately picked up one of the no-frill throw pillows that was beside her. She took a second to glance around the room. He had redecorated. The room that once held numerous pictures was now kind of plain-jane. Other than a bookshelf in the corner and the keyboard that sat against one wall the room was filled with a typical couch, recliner and decorative wall hangings.

_This isn't Zac_, she concluded. Although the room was warm, colors perfectly suited together, it wasn't his style from what she remembered. Then another thought crossed her mind. _Maybe he's trying to sell._ The idea caused her to duck her head with another touch of sadness running through her emotional self.

Another second passed and he returned with two bottles of water. "I was joking, about the beer, you know?" Zac handed her one of the bottles and then sat down on the edge of the cushion at the other end of the couch.

Vanessa pressed her lips together and shrugged a little nervously. "I don't-" she rolled the bottle between her palms and stared at it. "I don't know what to say to that," she admitted.

Zac leaned forward slightly to catch her attention. He held up the chip that signified his months without an alcoholic drink. "I'm clean and sober and dry. Let's start again, okay?" He asked as she looked up at him with a bit of fright and uncertainty in them. "Tell me again why you needed to see me."

Vanessa quickly looked away, not really wanting to replay the scene that just had her in tears and Zac in some _zone_, seemingly far away from what she was sharing.

"Ness, you've caught me off guard, here. Please, just explain. You were scared enough to come over here and check on me. We haven't talked in years. A lot has happened for both of us…but all of a sudden…" He held his hand out in front of him, questioning why he once again mattered to her.

"Have you stopped caring about me?" Vanessa asked the first thing that popped into her mind.

"Of course not," Zac answered honestly.

"Well I haven't stopped caring about you either, Zac. I've kept my distance because we both decided that would be best. I've moved forward or moved on, I guess, whatever you want to call it. But I can't stop caring. Finding out that you…that…" she raised her palms in the air scared of making him angry or hurting his feelings, "the drugs…and then your broken jaw…and then this actor's death… Zac, I've been so scared. I don't know why, except that I still care and I don't want that to happen to you. I just don't want that…for you…"

The tears began again as she spoke. Her hands covered her eyes as her body shook, finally letting go of the emotions that had been building inside of her for months.

Zac watched for just a second before scooting himself closer to her, moving the pillow from her lap and wrapping his arms around her. "Shhh," he shushed her quiet tears as his hands pulled her close. "I'm fine, Nessa. You don't need to worry about me."

Vanessa's body didn't meld to his like it had in the past. She didn't let her head rest against his shoulder. And her arms didn't grasp his biceps or his shirt, telling Zac she didn't believe what he was saying.

"Nessa," he tried again.

With that one word he felt her tears through his shirt and decided against saying anything else. Instead he curled his arms tighter around her. For just a few moments he had the opportunity to hold her in his arms again and momentarily forget about the worries that apparently plagued them both.

**KTZLF**

"I should go," Vanessa pulled away from the embrace and ran her fingers over the wet spot that she had created on his thin t-shirt.

"I don't think you really want to do that, do you?" Zac asked. He loosened his hold just enough to let her maneuver the way she wanted to – without actually leaving him. "You have a lot more going through that pretty head of yours, don't you?"

Vanessa leaned back further, gently, begrudgingly, pulling herself away from him. "I don't know where to even begin," she admitted. She ran her fingertips under her eyes to wipe away the wetness and the few stray tears that still threatened to fall.

"That's unlike you," Zac spoke with a soft voice and then laughed gently.

Vanessa tilted her head and braved a smile at his sarcasm. "I just," she hesitated and looked at her hands, "We're so far apart now. I know we've both grown and changed so much... I don't know you now." She shrugged her shoulders and glanced up to see him watching her diligently, listening to the truth that neither of them really wanted to admit.

"Am I wrong?" She continued lightly yet not making light of what she was saying.

She noted the slightest twitch on his jaw, but also the slight shake of his head.

"The time has gone by so quickly," Vanessa took a deep breath and repositioned herself on the couch. She leaned into a corner, grabbed the pillow that Zac had removed and made herself comfortable, resting her elbow on the back of the soft furniture.

Zac stayed in his place, listening to her and focusing on whatever might be going through her mind.

"I assumed," Vanessa spoke almost shyly, "that we would, I don't know, keep in touch every couple of weeks, or get together once a month...at least see each other from time to time. And here we are now after how long?" She stopped and stared at the side of his face.

"Here we are now..." Zac repeated her words, "with you feeling sorry for me and all I've _been through?_" He looked toward her and their eyes met – Vanessa's soft and concerned; Zac's beginning to question her and moving into that _zone_ again.

"Yes?" Vanessa shook her head and raised her voice slightly. "No? I don't know, Zac. You can take it that way if you want to, I guess. But that's not why I'm here." She leaned forward with her arms falling onto the pillow in her lap.

"Listen, can you try to see this through my eyes for just a minute, or reverse our situations at this very moment." She reached over to his arm and watched her fingers run down his bare skin. "If I were the one making the tabloids for drug use and missed days on set, what would you think? It could be me. I've had my share of the _downs_, Zac. We both know that."

"And I tried to help you through those..." Zac interrupted only momentarily.

"Exactly!" Vanessa stretched her hand further, grasping his shoulder so he would look at her. "You were there for me and kept me from getting so low...and I haven't been here for you – but that's not...my...point,"

"Then what _is_ your point?" Zac asked with an almost frustrated shrug of his shoulders.

Vanessa pressed her thumb and middle fingers against her temples, rubbing, trying to figure out the answer to his question. "I don't know, okay? Maybe you're right. Maybe I feel sorry for you because I assumed you would move on and find Miss Right and have the perfect career and perfect family and life would just be all sunshine and roses."

"Who says it's not?" Zac wondered, now feeling a tension building in each of his muscles.

Vanessa tilted her head and looked at him with struggling brown eyes. She shook her head, "Fine," she pressed her lips together and let out a sigh. "Let's just chalk this up to an _old friend_ getting scared over nothing and I just needed to see you in person to get rid of those fears. Okay? No more feeling sorry for Zac the boy toy." She cleared any hint of emotion from her face and promptly stood up from the couch.

Zac sat, seemingly not hearing or paying attention to her until she took a step away from the couch. "Thank you," he spoke in the voice that she had once assumed he saved only for her.

Vanessa stopped and waited for anything else to come from him. She crossed her arms over her chest and shuffled her foot against the floor as she debated just how many moments to wait before taking her next step.

Zac stood from the couch and stood directly behind her. She could feel his breath against her hair but still didn't turn to look at him.

He tentatively placed his hands on her shoulders then gently gripped, telling her to stay. "I'm not the same person I was. I'm trying to do the best I can, Nessa. Things _haven't_ gone exactly like I want them to. My life isn't all sunshine and roses. And you know I won't find Miss Right and settle down."

He pressed on her shoulders, turning her around to face him before using the tip of his index finger to raise her chin to look at his face. "I had her and let her go. And now my life has changed so much that I don't know how I could ever get her back."

Vanessa blinked and directed her eyes away from his. She looked momentarily at his cheek, his lips, and then down toward his hand that was touching her skin. She wasn't stunned by his words. She wasn't upset by them. But she also couldn't figure out exactly how they made her feel.

He was obviously talking about her. Yet his other obvious point was blatantly true. His life had changed…and so had hers.

"How can you know you've already had the right person?" Vanessa whispered the question to the man who was soaking in every moment of having her back in his presence – whether she was crying, yelling or simply standing in front of him.

Zac swallowed. "There are some things you just know."

Vanessa shifted her eyes back to his. The blue had softened somehow to a color she was more familiar with. Those eyes had held her gaze on more occasions than she could count and yet she could remember every one of them.

"How?" She asked, willing more tears to stay at bay.

"It's faith," Zac ran his thumb beneath her bottom lip and watched the slow movement before catching her eyes with his once more. "It's that little voice inside of you that tells you when something is right or wrong. It's your conscience, yes, but it's also a faith, deep down in your heart, telling you when you've found exactly what you need."

"Faith is believing in something you can't see, Zac," Vanessa tried to counter his thought somewhat weakly.

"Exactly," Zac nodded as the two stared at each other. "I had faith in us. I took that for granted. I lost you and lost my faith in just about everything else, too." He took a deep breath and stepped backwards away from her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the chip he had received at an AA meeting.

He held it up for Vanessa to see as she stood there practically breathless, curious and slightly unnerved by how close they had been. "The Alcoholics Anonymous meetings were court ordered," he began to explain. "It seems hotels don't appreciate people getting drunk and leaving their rooms with broken items, no matter _who_ those people are." He shrugged and sighed at his tidbit of sarcasm. "And, according to my attorney, the judge was very kind to offer AA and damages paid instead of jail time and extensive community service."

Vanessa watched silently as he turned the chip over and inspected it more closely, wiping away a piece of thread from his innermost pocket.

"So I went willingly and dropped the alcohol from my daily menu. I didn't expect much out of it. Figured I go the recommended time, say the lines like any good actor can do and call it quits," he switched his focus back to Vanessa's face.

"Funny thing is, after like, three meetings, when I actually tried to sober up and take things seriously they started talking about losing their friends and family because of alcohol and drug abuse. These grown men, like 50 and 60 years old were talking about the damage they had done because they had been so drunk or high and had no clue what was going on. One woman had her children taken away because she couldn't get it together enough to take care of them. I just started thinking about the days I had missed on projects because I was too interested in shooting up or finding another hit or drinking myself into a stupor. And I thought about losing you and about the women I've been with that I can't even remember."

He stared at the spot between Vanessa's eyes, seeing nothing, but remembering when the reality had actually hit him. "That's when I realized how much I've screwed up and why it would be impossible to ever get you back into my life."

He looked down at the carpet and squeezed the chip against his palm. "But what that group has made me realize is that I have to have faith in myself and believe in myself that I _can_ be okay. I can go on and have a life and find faith again."

"Faith…or love?" Vanessa spoke up with a questioning tone.

"Faith…in myself and maybe a few others. I'm not sure that I want to find _love_ again. I have people around me who love me and I _love_ them. I have people that I will always care about. And you're right. If our tables were turned my situation would probably scare the hell out of me from your point of view. That's because I will always care for you, Vanessa. I'll always _love_ you."

Without a word Vanessa took a quick step toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She held herself against him and let the tears run again. Zac wrapped his arms around her waist and they stood, swaying just slightly as the two, dear friends, embraced and felt their fractured faith begin to heal.

She felt the deep breath that he pulled in and loosened her embrace. "You realize," she sniffed to clear her teary face, "it's not that I feel sorry for you, right? Your broken jaw thing…yeah, I felt sorry for you cause that had to hurt like hell! But the drugs and alcohol, Zac, they made me mad. The idea of you being with another woman, somebody random," her voice raised slightly and her eyebrows knit together, "that made me angry. And it scared me…because I still care for you and love you too. I always will. No matter where we are in the world. I always will."

He nodded in understanding without overthinking her words.

"And please don't give up on love," Vanessa reached out and placed a hand over his heart.

Zac looked at her hand and then back at her face. "No promises," he whispered.

Vanessa blinked slowly knowing she was sending him mixed signals and beginning to feel them herself. She nodded and stared at him for another moment.

"I should let you go," she moved her hand from his shirt and then joined her hands together a bit nervously.

Zac nodded again and held up the blue circle. "I was just debating whether or not I was going to tonight's meeting, before you buzzed," he shared.

Vanessa's eyes grew a bit wider. "Then I do need to go. I'm sorry."

Zac shook his head, "Don't be, please, don't ever be sorry for caring about me."

Vanessa smiled at him and held a shallow breath. This time when she stepped toward him she placed a single hand to the back of his neck and pulled his head toward hers as she placed her lips on his. She reveled in the feel of their mouths pressed together in the simple but longing kiss.

Zac didn't resist but was the first to pull back slowly. He opened his heavy eyes to see hers still closed. With a gentle touch he placed his thumb against her lips and took a shaky breath.

When she opened her eyes he smiled at her and watched as her tongue protruded slightly, savoring what they had just shared. "Don't scare me again, hear me?" She breathlessly ordered.

Zac nodded at her and then placed a hand on the small of her back as they walked toward his front door. "I'll try not to," he offered softly.

And with just one more look at each other and a gentle kiss from Zac to her cheek, he watched her get into her car and disappear down the steep driveway.

He smiled to himself and looked at the clock. There was still plenty of time for him to make the meeting. But there was one thing he had to do first. He went back to the refrigerator and opened the door. This time he pulled the aluminum can off the shelf and popped the lid.

He pressed his lips together, still feeling Vanessa's meaningful display. And in the next instant he poured the sweet liquid into his sink and watched it seep down the drain.

Maybe he wouldn't give up on love.

**KTZLFKTZLFKTZLF**


End file.
